Chapter 5

As Miffy pondered her next steps and Donna and Jenn mulled over the next few days in their minds, Jared was busy (as usual, he would tell you). After making sure the animals were secure at the nearby Briar Oak Farms in Egg Harbor Township, he headed back to the restaurant to join the women. When he got to the crowded parking lot, he was forced to search for a parking place. It seemed the entire population of the small burg had turned out for the biggest thing to hit town in anyone’s memory. He was finally forced to park in the lot of the convenience store just north of the restaurant on US 9. As he strode toward the entrance to the crowded restaurant, he was approached by a woman in a navy business suit. She seemed to know who he was as she strode confidently to him.

“Jared? Hi, my name is Tiffany Gustafson. I work for CBS News as a special assistant to Katie Couric Can we speak for a moment before you go in to join your wife and her friends?”

Jared was a bit startled to be known by such an important person but managed to stammer, “Uh, sure. I guess. I mean, if you want to.”

“Let’s talk out here before you go in,” Miss Gustafson said as she took his arm and led him around the corner of the building. “I know that you have been doing most of the logistical work for this trip and have been responsible for much of its success. Ms. Couric has been following he progress for the past couple of weeks and I know she is impressed by the 3 Amigas, but she is also impressed with the work you have done, Jared.”

Her flattery was having exactly its intended effect on him. He was beginning to have difficulty concentrating, what between Miss Gustafson’s perfume and hearing that Katie Couric knew who he was. When Tiffany placed her hand on his arm, leaned a little closer and began speaking just above a whisper, the race was over and Jared had lost.

“I know that as you get closer to New York, even more attention will be coming your way. It can be really crazy there and Ms. Couric and I are ready to help in any way we can. I know that Donna and the others want to make the concert and if they are dealing with all the media and interview requests that are waiting for them, they will be overwhelmed. Have you hired a media consultant to manage the demands on your time yet?”

Jared knew she was speaking Truth. He had hardly been able to keep up with the arrangements for meals and lodging as they got closer to The City. He couldn’t imagine Donna trying to cope with all this other stuff, and knew from the last trip that Jenn was likely to get them all arrested if they left it to her and her temper. Miffy was a foreigner, so she didn’t know how things worked here. So that left it to him, and he knew he was over his head. It seemed he was being offered a lifeline.

“Er, no,” said Jared, while thinking again how sweet Miss Gustafson smelled, how soft her skin looked, and how wonderful her voice was in his ears. He had never heard a New York accent before (although Tiffany was from South Dakota) and it sounded musical to him.

“I was afraid of that.,” she said as she reached down to get into the briefcase Jared hadn’t realized she was carrying and had set down at her feet. A shot of adrenaline spiked through him as her movement revealed the navy lingerie she had on under the ivory blouse she wore under the suit.

“Wow. Northern women sure are sophisticated,” he thought, having never actually seen anyone wear lingerie in “real life,” other than the white his wife always wore. Come to think of it, he hadn’t actually seen ANY other lingerie in real life other than what Donna wore (you couldn’t really count the stuff the dancers in the strips clubs he, Ike and the guys sometimes went to just before they took it off).

Tiffany pulled a business card out of her purse and handed it to Jared. “Just tell Simon we spoke, otherwise he wouldn’t take your call. He’s the best in the city, Jared, and he’ll take care of you.” This was a lie. In fact, CBS had already contracted with Simon for situations just like this. There were hundreds of people a year that became instant celebrities, with their ten minutes of fame. The growth of the celebrity life/gossip magazines such as People, Us Weekly, Life & Style and In Touch had created a demand for “real people” stories,” and those real people could turn into money makers for the news organization that got to them first. Think back to Baby Jessica (who fell into the well and was rescued), Tanya Harding, Susan Smith and her husband, the coal miners stuck below ground and just about all the guests on the Ellen Show. Ordinary people that captured a country’s fancy, however fleeting. Get those people on with Katie Couric and that will do nothing but help her ratings. Plans had been made for Tiffany’s interception three days ago, when word of where they would meet first surfaced on Donna’s blog account of the trip.

“Make sure to tell him you are a personal friend of Katie, too. He has had such a crush on her for years. Do you think you will call him tomorrow?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess so,” was the best Jared could muster.

“I know you will be glad you did. Can I ask you something else, Jared?”

“Okay.” He was putty in her hands by now and she could have asked for anything and gotten it.

“Well, as I said, Ms. Couric and I work together on a daily basis and she has been wrapped up in your wife’s story. Do you think that she could maybe meet Donna? It would mean a lot to her and help me, too.”

Jared couldn’t believe it! Katie Couric, who knew his name, wanted to meet Donna! Even though Jared watched Bill O’Reilly, he knew that Donna would FREAK OUT to be sought out by Katie Couric.

“I’m sure Donna would like that, but we are getting really busy, as you said. When did you think that should happen?”

“How about if Katie interviews the 3 Amigas on her newscast live tomorrow night? Didn’t the blog indicate that you were planning a trip to Atlantic City? We could do a remote from outside the Trump casino. I have tickets to the Blue Man Group matinee show you could use. How about it? It would really help me out.” Tiffany said as she placed her hand on Jared’s arm and moved her hair behind her ear with the other. Her smile was about the most sincere and sweetest thing Jared had ever seen.

“I’m sure Donna and her friends will really like that,” Jared said. “Especially when she learns that it will help you, Tiffany and that Katie Couric knows who she is.” Jared could not get over the way Tiffany’s hair seem to glow in the light raining down from the billboard over the parking lot which none of the travelers had noticed yet – the Ford billboard which featured Jared’s likeness looking out the window of his new F-350 with bold letters that read “DONNA RIDES, BUT JARED HAULS ASS WITH HIS 2009 FORD HEAVY DUTY.”

“Great. So it’s settled? One more thing. Can you do me a favor and sign this release for us? We have to have one on file before we can broadcast anyone’s likeness on TV. Just sign right here on the bottom… that’s it. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH. Oh Jared, I knew that I was going to like you even before we met.” Her soft, tender lips kissed his cheek and then she was walking toward the waiting limousine. Jared was riveted to his spot until the blackened windows closed her away from his eyes. He almost forgot how hungry he had been just a few minutes before. He headed into the pizzeria.

Meanwhile, back at the Oriental Market where he had parked, a heated discussion was taking place. P’chei (pronounced Shay) slide her fingers through her frosted hair while speaking to each of the others, staring into their eyes seemingly without blinking.

“Look, our opportunity is here now. Did you see how crazy it is starting to get around them? If we don’t do this now, then we won’t have another chance. Tomorrow there will probably be at least six satellite trucks waiting for them for the trip to Atlantic City and after that they will never be out of a camera’s lens. My Blackberry is telling me that paparazzi are leaving Paris Hilton to follow these three. You know we have to do it tonight.”

Mark exhaled slowly, pushing all the air from his lungs. He knew P’chei was right. She was always right. It just scared him to hear her say the things she was saying and call him out on his beliefs. He waited to hear what Allison had to say. He didn’t have to wait long.

“You are absolutely right, P’chei. And JC called me a few minutes ago to say they are all checked in. The handlers have about finished with the cleanup and rub downs, so if we don’t act soon, they will be down for the night.” JC was Allison’s boyfriend and he worked at Briar Oak Farms. Allison had been using him for sex for about a month now and he would do anything she told him to. Mark knew the feeling. P’chei had the same effect on him, even though it was probably worse for JC. At least Mark was getting some breathing room, now that P’chei was no longer working for his boss, Pamela Anderson. With P’chei no longer accompanying her everywhere she went. Mark was getting some time away from P’chei whenever he flew Miss Anderson anywhere away from NYC. At first he hated the fact that P’chei wasn’t around, but he was starting to realize that life can go on after a breakup, no matter how much you loved your partner. He also was beginning to wonder about P’chei’s sanity. How many people would quit such a glamorous job as being Pamela Anderson’s personal assistant over two strips of fur?

Only one that he could think of, and it happened to be his girlfriend.

It seems that P’chei had seen Ms. Anderson wearing boots topped with a real fur collar as she came in from a night of partying with Tommy Lee. Tabloids were reporting the two were planning to marry (again!) and P’chei was disgusted that her boss would abandon her principles over a piece of ass, no matter that TLee had the biggest “drumstick” she had ever seen. But a principle is a principle and P’chei couldn’t see forsaking one for a piece of dick. So she quit the job she had held for the previous eight years. She had called PETA about it, too, but they didn’t seem to be impressed with her story. The person on the other end of the line had acted as though Pamela wearing the fur wasn’t newsworthy, although P’chei was sure the public cared and would criticize the buxom star’s action if they knew about it.

P’chei was speaking (rapidly) again. “What they are doing to those animals is inhumane! There is no way that those burros are ready for the psychological damage of riding into New York City and it is just wrong that that poor llama has been forced from its homeland to America. It is up to us to take care of this.” She had hardly touched her vegetarian entrée. Mark was looking at it hungrily. He was dying to have had one of the best hot oven subs (grinder) that Jo Jo’s was known for, but since he and P’chei had started sleeping together about eight months ago, he had maintained a vegetarian façade. She was so worth that….