Chapter 2

Her trek along the side of the road had made local news broadcasts as she journeyed up through rural Virginia and Maryland. Small TV and radio stations were sending the traffic and weather reporters so their editors could say, "See? I let you cover real news stories! Now leave me alone." Most professional news people thought that would be the end of the story.

...shortly into the trip, Donna managed to get her cellphone to send Miffy a picture of what her ass looked like so she knew what her mode of transportation looked like.

After lengthy discussion and a proper display of English obstinacy, it was finally agreed that Miffy would NOT be traveling on that ass! If she was to travel on a four-legged creature then she was traveling by llama. Donna was initially resistant to this idea, as she had memories of the earlier days when she was still in denial in relation to Miffy's love of the llama. Donna had believed that it was another Amiga Moment, a prank Miffy had concocted to make Donna seem foolish and gulliable. There had been many of those during that fortnight, all around. It was part of the Amiga Relationship. The three of these women could throw down insults on each other better than Don Rickles.

However, in the two years since Miffy's previous trip Donna had learned to overcome her llamaphobia. She had slowly learned to accept her inate deep down love of this creature - to the point where she was now an active member of the LPF (Llama Protection Front).

Donna had looked at her lengthy list of llama related contacts and found the one she was searching for. It was not long before the perfect llama was selected and its delivery arranged... allowing their adventure to continue in perfect harmony. Or so they thought.

Donna and Miffy met at a prearranged llama pick up area. They were very happy to see each other. There were many hugs and lots of giggles.
Miffy - "Nice ass."
Donna - "Thanks. And the donkey isn't bad either."
After Donna recovered from being beaten around the head for that particular remark, the pair set off on the journey to Atlantic City where they would meet Jenn.

In spite of her earlier protests, Miffy had truly gotten into the spirit of the journey and looked resplendant under her sombrero, clothed in the Carhart jacket, Wrangler jeans and Justin boots Donna's husband Jared had thoughtfully arranged. Donna noted that it was the same combination of clothes he had gotten for her, but she didn't say anything. She was still happy they weren't fighting while on the road and he had been very helpful so far. She was waiting for the other shoe (or Justin Boot) to drop at any moment. She hoped that it wasn't too bad in its timing.

It was a beautiful fall day and the warm sun felt great to both of them. By this time, Donna's pale complexion had begun to change. In spite of the wide brim of the sombrero and Neutrogena Age Shield SPF 90+ cream (another Jared contribution), her skin had developed that certain glow being outside brings. Miffy had applied liberal amounts to her English skin as well. As they rode down the shoulder of the lonely country road, catching up and enjoying each other's company, laughing the deep laugh of friendship, neither of them noticed the black sedan that passed them several times within an hour.

Miffy could not get over the growing media attention, though, as a different reporter would pull along side of them every hour or so to ask similar questions -
"Why are you doing this?"
"Is this normal behavior for you?"
"What does your family think about it?"
"Have you been contacted by any members of the band yet?"
"What did you think of our town?"

She commented on it to Donna, who had grown used to the building attention and found it a nice break in the monotony of a day in the saddle. In fact, Donna hadn't even noticed that the numbers had risen beyond the one or two a day that started after her first show - AFI.

"Why are all these wankers coming to talk to you like you have done something? And don't you get knackered answering the same questions all the time?"
"No, not really. But you want to know a secret? Sometimes I tell them different answers!"
"Donna!"
"Only a few. And besides, when you have been married as long as I have, you are used to having the same conversation day after day after day. Oh, and I did get a message from Steve Isaacs. He told me he thought it was awesome how I was overcoming my fears and shit. But I can't tell anyone about it."

Their conversation drifted from topic to topic while the afternoon passed until finally Miffy felt compelled to ask Donna whether she thought Jenn would be satisfied with being the last Amiga to join the trek, especially since there had already been quite a bit of publicity.
"Probably not," Donna answered. "We both know that Jenn usually has something she would change about most situations."
"Quite true," mused Miffy while remembering her initial trip to America and its video chronology. "But maybe we can make her our official spokesperson for these media people that keep coming around. Unless you have your heart set on giving out bad information?"
"Nah," Donna told her while keeping the sombrero low and tilted to the left side of her head to keep the late afternoon sun from getting in her eyes. "We'll let her do that. I am getting tired of these women in their perky suits."

Between the text messages, blog entries and telephone calls, the 3 Amigas had kept each other updated on all that was transpiring (at least all they were aware of). They had also traded information with many friends that belonged to the same message boards they did. Because of the isolation of being on the road all day, neither Miffy or Donna was aware of the cyber-buzz their journey was creating. It wasn't until Jenn called with the latest news that they began to grasp what was happening.

"OMGawd! You fucking won't believe the IM I got today! Guess what it said?"
"Jenn, we never guess anyway. You should just tell us." It was Miffy pointing out the obvious again.
"Bite me, bitch. Ok, so I have told like, everyone about this trip, right? All my blog bitches know and everyone on the board. But today I am at work and Mario isn't looking and I sign on to AIM and all of a sudden GAHDAMMIT TOM MOTHERFUCKING GREEN IMs me!!!! Can you believe it????"
"Yeah, right." Donna said. "Tom Green? What did he want? To interview you on his Internet show or something?" Donna was sure she had just made the most outlandish joke she could.
"YES!"
"What?"
"YES! He knows I am meeting you guys in Atlantic City and he wants to do his show remote from there! The day after tomorrow!"

Tom Green, the comedian, had turned into an Internet media mogul over the past two years. At first, he had conducted talk shows and interviews from a room in his Hollywood home and streamed them over the Net. Freed from the censors and good taste, his shows were renowned for breaking new territory. After Dave Navarro had made an appearance on the two hatched the idea for Thursday Night Sluts, things got really crazy for them. TPC fans had been complaining about the distraction the new media was for their favorite guitarist. For Green, however, it had proven to be a boon. He had leveraged the popularity of the shows into a small fortune, being one of the first to jump on the direct marketing possibilities of the Internet. His production costs were very low and he was reaching a narrow (but desirable) demographic. Advertisers and competitors all wanted a piece of his market. And it seemed he wanted the 3 Amigas!

They had arranged to meet up with Jenn late in the afternoon following a night spent camping in Camp Henopen State Park, near Lewes, Delaware. That day got started on the wrong foot when Miffy and Donna both discovered they preferred Camp Holiday Inn to tent camping. Donna's husband had been acting as an escort for them along the way, arranging care for the animals, meals and lodging for the women when they stopped. This had not been part of his plan, however. Miffy was the one that suggested it, saying that was one part of her dreams about America that had not been fulfilled in her trip in 2006.
"I saw a yellow school bus, ate in a diner, shopped at Wal-Mart and went to an amusement park. We drove the mountain roads, got tattoos and hung a Union Jack in front of your house. But we didn't go camping. I want to camp!"
Jared stepped back and let her and Donna make those arrangements.
"We can ride the ferry across the bay and it will save lots of time, plus there is apt to be less traffic on those country roads, " Donna reasoned when telling him of their plans.

Awake in the early hours of the day, it had taken quite some time for Donna and Miffy to get over their night in the small tent. Complaining of back aches, each accused the other of snoring and keeping them awake. Actually, it was probably the bullfrogs and whipporwills that prevented sleep, along with the mosquitos buzzing in their ears (which always seemed to happen just before they fell into deep sleep). It had been a miserable night.

Neither of them had expected commuters on the way to the ferry. Their poor animals were pretty nervous with the amount of cars whizzing by as they traveled along Cape Henlopen Drive toward the ferry docks. The wide shoulders made it easier to stay out of traffic, and the flat sandy terrain along the roadside made it less intimidating than the mountainous terrain Donna had traversed, but still. Car after car after car going past was unsettling.
"It's too bad Jenn missed out on last night," Miffy declared sarcastically as they neared the turnoff. "Im sure she would have had lots to say about all the wildlife and noise."
"Nah," answered Donna as they turned right and walked through the low iron gate. "Jenn knows about wildlife and noise. Trust me."

One factor that hadn't been worked out in advance by the women was whether or not the animals would be allowed onto the ferry. At first they were denied access by the operators. An argument ensued which nearly resulted in their arrest, especially when the guards accuesed Miffy of cursing at them in a foreign tongue.
"I'm from bloody England!" she screamed redfaced at this point. "We speak English and nothing I have said to you is in any other language than that! Why would I speak another language when it is clear that you can't even speak English?!"
Miffy would later acknowledge that she had indeed used some slang that would be "fighting words" back home, but the poor guards had had no idea the meaning of the phrases. The end result of all the confusion was the sailing of the 9:15 ferry without them. Which meant it was 12:45 before they had boarded and departed. They were not more than twenty minutes into the eighty minute crossing when they learned that llamas don't sail well and that llama sea-sickness closely resembles diarrhea. A trailing breeze from the south kept the ferry in the cloud of stench for most of the trip, prompting other passengers to begin to suffer from human sea sickness. As the cars rolled off the watercraft at the dock, an unprecedented mixture of smells and liquids washed into and under their vehicles. Parking lots all across the south Jersey shore had more than one person looking at the bottom of their shoes. The day became infamous in small town lore.

The trip up US 9 was also getting more and more difficult. The population density was growing rapidly after they passed the intersection with Route 83 near Townsend Sound, so the attention they were receiving was increasing exponentially as well. Cameras and crowds were waiting for them at most of the busy intersections. Shouts of encouragement and welcome were mixed with exhortations by religous zealots that they change their ways and turn away from Satan. Almost every special interest group in the US political scene was represented in some form or fashion as the afternoon moved to evening. And just as they were nearing their meeting place, things started getting really crazy. When the animals clomped into the parking lot of Antonios Jo Jo's in Northfield, the women were greeted with a phalanx of satellite TV trucks and people which overwhelmed the small parking lot.
"BBBBIIIIIIIAAAAAATTTTTTTCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHEEEESSSS!!!!!!! YOU'RE LATE!'''
Yep, Jenn was already there. Donna and Miffy could see their decision about who would be the group's spokesperson was totally unneeded.