Chapter 4

The first ten minutes the women were together was as intense of a gabfest as ever witnessed since Mary told the disciples about the empty tomb. But as hunger and anxiety overtook each of the 3 Amigas, they retreated into themselves a little bit as they ate in silence.

As Miffy listened to her two good friends catch up with each other, she wondered how to break the news to them. She had spent most of the past two weeks wondering the same thing, both while awake and while sleeping. The unpredictability of both Donna and Jenn was troubling Miffy as she looked first at the Virginian and then the New Mexican. Her thoughts raced back across time and the Atlantic as the ambient noise of the normally quiet neighborhood pizza parlor receded in her brain.

Charles Parker Howell was Miffy’s oldest client, both in age and longevity. Mr. Howell had been a strong advocate that Miffy step out on her own after spending nearly ten years working for his former tax-advice provider. When he finally told Miffy that he was leaving her old firm with his business and placing it either with her or another competitor, he succeeded in goading her off the mark. The next week she had established her company, given her notice and made one of the first independent moves of her short adult life.

Charles Parker had known Miffy since before her birth. In fact, Howell had known her mum since before HER birth. It was Nan that had first attracted the attention of Charles Parker, some seventy five years before. Miffy’s grandmother was three years older than Charles Parker and she had been a beautiful young woman. His shyness had kept him from speaking much with her as they both grew up on the outskirts of London. When he finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance at the fall festival, she was very gracious in the manner in which she declined. She was in attendance with another young gentleman, whom she would later marry. Rather than a cold rebuff, she engaged Charles Parker in conversation until the other man’s return with their drinks. Nan introduced Charles Parker as if they were old friends, rather than the mere acquaintances they were. When World War II broke out shortly after that, it was Nan’s image that carried Howell through the terrors of war; it was her generosity and kindness that he fought to defend against the Axis powers each day. After the war was over and he returned to the village, he renewed his friendship with both of Miffy’s grandparents, as they had all come through a terrible hardship. Charles Parker Howell became a successful entrepreneur, starting and selling dozens of businesses while amassing a very substantial portfolio.

Two years ago, when Miffy returned from her first American Adventure, Howell couldn’t wait to be brought up to date with all that had happened. His mind had an insatiable curiosity about things and he loved to hear about things he hadn’t experienced. Given his advanced age and wealth, there wasn’t much he hadn’t. He was very impressed by the story of the shared tattoos the Amigas had. In fact, he was the only person in the immediate family (figuratively speaking) that Miffy had told about them.

Shortly after her return, Miffy had acquired her cat, Dude. Mr. Howell had been surprised to see the feline walking through her home office during one of their “advisory” sessions. He knew more about British tax law than Miffy thought she would ever know and he was the only client she met with in her home.

“Miffy,” he began after Dude rubbed against his tweed trousers, “I thought you were allergic to cats.” He did, indeed know all about her. She and her siblings were as close to grandchildren as the old man had. He never married, although to this day he asks Nan if she has changed her mind every time they see each other.

“I am, Uncle Charles. But this cat is from Abby’s cat. That cat is the only other cat I have ever been around that didn’t make my eyes red and itch. When she had kittens, Allison (Miffy’s niece) insisted I have one since I wasn’t allergic to them. Isn’t it wonderful?”

“Oh, wonderful isn’t the word for it.” The business man was already in full gear, thinking that surely there was an opportunity here that needed exploration.

Two weeks later he rang Miffy up and told her to bring her cat and herself to his London office for a very important meeting two days hence. When Miffy arrived (she never questioned Uncle Charles when he wanted to see her), she was surprised and a bit offended to be introduced to three genetic scientists that the old man had arranged to be there. At first she thought he was trying to set her up for a blind date, something he had never done but everyone else in her life had been doing with much more frequency lately. As a lifelong bachelor, Miffy assumed he would respect her decision not to marry even if the rest of the family thought that she just hadn’t found the “right man.” She had found him alright. The fact that he had been married was the first obstacle for her. She respected his wife and the institution to have never acted on her feelings. Both of them had danced on the razor sharp edge of that blade, but hadn’t been cut by it yet when he died in a tragic accident. Uncle Charles had laughed heartily at Miffy’s first thoughts when she shared them with him nearly a year later. But this first day, at this first moment, Miffy had no idea his real intentions were to get the men and her cat together.

“Miffy, I have a feeling that your cat is an extremely special animal. I have asked these gentlemen to examine Dude and see if my suspicions are true. May we have your permission to look him over and take blood and hair samples?”

Miffy loved animals and was not about to allow scientific experiments to be performed on her beloved Dude.

“No one touches my pussy but me,” she exclaimed while cradling the pet tight to her.

“Miss Miffy, your uncle believes that your cat has a genetic difference to other felines which allows you not to be allergic to him. If this is so, and if we can identify which gene it is, we may be able to propagate his bloodline in such a manner that would allow others to have the same loving relationship with cats that you have with Dude. I promise you that he will not be harmed in any manner.”

Miffy had finally agreed to the tests and examination. On the way home, she stopped to purchase the electronic cat door she was having installed the next day. An ingenious device, the door release was activated by a magnet worn on the pet’s collar, allowing him to come and go from the house without Miffy having to open the door, yet not allowing other animals access.

The day after the door’s installation, Miffy was warming some tea in the microwave while she and Dude wrestled with the collar which contained the magnet. The collar was big on the tiny kitten and it appeared to weigh him down. Suddenly the kitten’s mews of protestation were completely drowned out by the loudest BANG! that Miffy had ever heard and all the lights in the house going out. The only illumination in the small kitchen was coming from her microwave, which was ablaze. Miffy extinguished the fire with her kitchen fire extinguisher and turned her attention to Dude, who laying dazed on the floor below the counter the microwave rested atop. Dude slowly came to as neighbors started knocking on Miffy’s door.

“Miss Miffy! Miss Miffy! Are you alright? Lightning struck your house and we were afraid it had caught fire!!”

After assuring everyone she was fine and being shown the blackened circle on the wall outside her kitchen (exactly on the other side of the wall from the toasted microwave), Miffy had gone back inside to plan how to get her house back in working condition. She certainly wasn’t about to use the contractor who had so frustrated her when she renovated the kitchen the year before! The meeting with Uncle Charles and the three scientists was pushed onto a back burned in her mind until the call came about three weeks later.

“Miffy, I believe we have some important things to discuss.” Charles Parker always said that when he wanted to come over for another advisory session.

“Uncle Charles, you know that I love you dearly and owe you my thanks for getting me started in business. I also know you have been talking me up to your friends and I probably have the largest geriatric tax advising business in the UK outside of London. But all these people are keeping me extremely busy and I am behind from the lightning strike. Can’t this wait until our appointment next month?”

“Young lady, if things go the way I think they might, you won’t be worrying about squeezing in some time for your old Uncle Charles. We could both be retired and having tea whenever and wherever you would like.”

Miffy had never heard the old man speak of retirement before although she had observed that his investments had been getting more short term in the past six months and he had been converting many of his holdings into more liquid assets. Afraid of the type of news he meant to tell her, she agreed to see him that afternoon.

Miffy was surprised when he arrived with the scientists in tow. The four guests made for a tight fit in her small living room.

“Miss Miffy,” the same scientist who had spoken before started things off, “we have been able to isolate the genetic makeup of your cat and there are some remarkable findings. Your Uncle Charles was right in his intuitions” (“He usually is” Miffy’s mind said as the man spoke.) “and it appears the your cat is, and its offspring will be hypoallergenic felines. In other words, the majority of those allergic to cats will not be allergic to yours. You are a truly fortunate young lady.”

This whole concept was quite vague to Miffy and her confusion apparently evident.

It was Uncle Charles coming to her rescue again. “Miffy, what these men are saying is that your cat is able to make you an incredibly rich, young, English woman.”

“Dude? Make me rich? How is that possible?” The absurdity of it all was starting to irritate her and give her a headache. Besides, she had all these clients’ files to pour through before Friday and here it was Wednesday afternoon already. “Uncle Charles, I am sure you mean well, but I haven’t time to play with these sorts of imaginings.”

Part of Charles Parker Howell’s reputation also included chasing wildly improbable scenarios to their very probable failure. Of course, it was the more than a few successes he had in relation to the failures that funded all these adventures. But Uncle Charles wasn’t going to be able to buy or produce any more time for Miffy this week and she thought of the time they were wasting here as some of the least productive time she would ever spend. Exasperated, she stood and stretched, forgetting that Dude had been sitting in her lap. When she had started to stand, he had leapt from his position to one on the top of the bookcase across the small room. The scientists that hadn’t spoken exchanged startled glances.

“Miffy, please sit back down. These men are interested in discussing a purchase of your patent for the genes in question. You remember, the patent that was filed for last week,” She had been in enough business meetings with Uncle Charles to know to follow his lead, however unlikely the direction he headed. It wasn’t worth the problems afterward to contradict the investor. “Now, on the phone earlier today, Mr. Rand, you mentioned a figure. Would you mind repeating it for Miffy, as I haven’t had the opportunity to review any of this with her?”

“Certainly, Mr. Howell. Miss Miffy, our corporation is prepared to pay you ₤23,000,000 for the rights to the patent, on an exclusive basis for twenty years. Of course you will still retain ownership of it after that period.”

Miffy’s head was reeling from what she just heard. Twenty three million pounds for an exclusive contract for a patent on a gene in her cat Dude? Was such a thing even possible? And when had Uncle Charles gotten a patent issued in her name when he didn’t even know he had a cat until a few days ago?

“I’m sure the young lady would like to take some time to think things over gentlemen. If you will leave us a copy of what you are proposing, I am sure we will be able to reach consensus on this.” Suddenly Charles Parker was acting as her advisor as he rose to shake the scientists’ hands.

Miffy was still in a daze and operating in a blur as her mind attempted to process the information she had just heard while she shook hands with the three men. One of the other two scientists finally spoke as they prepared to leave.

“Miss? May I ask a question about your cat?”

“I guess so,” Miffy replied in a way that suggested she was hearing him but still not hearing him.

“When you stood up a moment ago, Dude leapt from your lap to the top of the bookcase.”

“Yes, he does that quite often since the lightning strike.”

“Don’t you think that is a little unusual?” the man continued.

“I don’t know. I have never had a cat before and just assumed that was what they did.”

The two men exchanged glances again as the three headed for the Jaguar parked near the curb.

After they were gone, Uncle Charles explained to Miffy that when he noticed she wasn’t affected by her normal allergic reaction to Dude, he had made some calls. It turns out there is a huge business in the area of animal research especially when it comes to pets. Companies are spending huge amounts to learn all they can about the genes of domesticated animals and what the genes do. They are also gambling that the knowledge can be leveraged into human health, which would translate into a huge piece of the mega billion dollar market world wide. So he pulled some strings in the patent office to make it look as though Miffy had filed two months earlier than the paper he submitted last week. His contacts in the government were proving to be valuable still, even though he had outlived most of the bureaucrats he had dealt with over the years.

Half an hour after the scientists had left, Uncle Charles had managed to convince Miffy of the truth of the venture and she was making decisions that would change lives forever. Charles Parker Howell had arranged for Miffy to meet with his best financial advisors and lawyers to review the offer. When they determined its legitimacy and fair market value, Miffy decided to indeed license her patent on feline gene number AW6103910, for the purpose of genetic modification which will result in cats most humans are not allergic to. Based on her knowledge of British tax law, she knew it would be advantageous for her to hold her assets in a corporate structure.

So, barely two weeks after Charles Parker Howell had learned Miffy had an unusual cat, JDM, Ltd. was formed. It has three shareholders listed on its corporate records. Its headquarters are in Zurich, Switzerland and it has been paying dividends to its shareholders directly into the three numbered accounts in a Cayman Island bank, accounts that were opened one day before the corporation was formed, two days before the licensing agreement was signed by the president of JDM, Ltd. Yep, Miffy had signed the documents twenty months ago and had been struggling with how to tell her friends they were all rich.

“Donna is going to be happy for me and not want to take the money, even though she knows what it will mean for her family. Jenn, on the other hand, is going to go ballistic, saying that I made her save for airfare when she could have just ‘bought the gahdamn plane!.’” Miffy thought as she watched her friends finish their favorite Italian entrees.